Not so long ago, when as a young parent, I felt my kids had feelings that seemed totally irrational.
Once when a party ended, my then little guy begged everyone not to leave. He kept holding each one’s hand to make them stay, saying, “no no.” Everyone felt so bad. And then, when his dad started putting on his shoes, he lost it crying and screaming to not be left out from all the “supposed” fun everyone would have. Everyone felt so bad for him, pulling their hands away, quietly sneaking out and his dad gave him an especially big hug promising him lots of fun as soon as he gets back. He calmed down as soon as everyone left. This happened for a good two years.
The memory got me thinking of how natural it is for anyone to feel bad when they are left out. And how many of the feelings our children have are nothing but feelings we all feel even as adults.
Children, specially infants and toddlers are so innocent, exhibiting every emotion in it’s purest form.
- Excitement on something new.
- Shrieks of laughter on the silliest things. Not wanting to share “their” toys.
- Hugging and kissing those they love most.
- Giving away their prized possessions to their favorite friends.
- Eating their favorite foods the most and often.
- Hitting those they consider a threat.
- Being cranky when hungry or tired.
- Crying incessantly for what they want and the next minute being happy as a clam when they get it.
- Acting as if nothing happened when they hurt themselves but making a big scene when the cause is someone else.
- Saying only what they mean.
- Running away from work and doing what they love over and over again with the same amount of pleasure on their little faces.
It’s only time that warps the human emotion. Age forces us to become mature and we just end up being miserable doing things as we moral police ourselves into good behavior. Is it really so wrong to be who we are, do what we enjoy, love who we like, and just stay away from those we don’t?
If you think of it, truly. You will notice that all that children feel is what we feel, every single day!
When feelings get overwhelming for them, usually they do for us too. It is important when dealing with out kids to remember that they are just behaving sans filters.We cannot possibly let their innocent reaction affect us.
Over time, which genuinely felt like eons, my son and I worked together in processing his despair better. It is important to take the time to understand your children, help them process those BIG feelings and teach them real ways of empowering them. Provide them with real tools for every day living!
This is a skill that every single adult needs as they run on the treadmill of life.
All children want is what we all basically want, however seemingly irrational. As we mold them to learn the ways of the world, it’s important to remember that balance that keeps them who they are and not tainting their world view.