Let me just start off by saying I love my kids.
Wholeheartedly. Unconditionally. Would do anything and everything for them kind of love.
That being said, sometimes I question whether I was meant to be a mom.
I’ll put the disclaimer out there, this isn’t a deep in my gut questioning but rather a “why am I not like those super moms” questioning. What am I missing??
For example:
I hate crafts.
This includes but is not limited to Play-Doh, slime, painting, glitter… basically, anything that makes a mess. I want no part of it. Don’t let this confuse you into thinking we have a perfectly clean house, because that is nowhere near the case. I just don’t want additional mess to add to the existing mess. That’s why I send them of daycare.
Speaking of daycare, I like working and I love that my kids go to daycare.
If I get a paid day off of work and the kids’ daycare is open that day? You bet I’m sending them to school. My day will likely be spent cleaning and doing laundry (does the laundry EVER end?!) but it will be in peace and that? That is magical.
I sometimes still struggle with the fact that my time is not my own.
I know, I know “one day I’ll miss this” but here’s the thing… I don’t know that I will. I enjoy watching the kids grow, becoming more independent and fun little people. I love seeing their personalities blossom and that they can wipe their own butts (can I get an amen?).
I miss sleep.
Would you believe me if I told you this was my number one fear while I was pregnant with my first? WHEN WOULD I SLEEP AGAIN?! Spoiler alert: I’m 5 years in and still waiting.
But most of all?
I hate the all-consuming guilt for having these feelings and subsequently allowing myself to feel inadequate.
Here’s the thing. As time goes by, I’m realizing there’s no one right way to be a mom. We as moms should not be comparing ourselves to each other much less feeling guilty for not living up to our own unrealistic expectations of who we need to be as a mother. We are all different and that’s what makes the world go ‘round. I’m not only a mom but also a wife, Christian, career woman, etc. and I don’t want to lose sight of those other parts of me. I feel as though society has led us to believe that wanting to hold on to some of those things makes us selfish, but I don’t think so.
I think it makes us better moms.
I think it allows us to set good examples for our kids on how to be well rounded individuals.
At the end of the day, working moms, stay at home moms, single moms, moms of newborns, moms of teenagers – we’re all in the same boat. The boat of uncertainty. Uncertainty of if we’re doing it right, if we’re doing enough, if we’re doing too much. But to these little people were raising?
We’re doing it perfectly.
We’re theirs and they’re ours. Celebrate the good days. Remember the little moments. Nobody is you mama, and that is your superpower.
