My two year old says a lot of surprising things. Every day there is a new phrase or a new word. It’s an exciting phase to wake up and wonder what she will do or say that makes me smile and laugh. The other day a new phrase emerged that made my heart break. We had spent a blissful morning at the park having a picnic (her new favorite activity) and now home to put baby sister for a nap and get lunch ready.
I was giving the baby my full attention as I changed her diaper, sang her a song, and laid her down. Out of no where my toddler said, “I want a piece of Mommy.”
At first I didn’t understand so I asked her to repeat herself. Again, clear as day, she said “I want a piece of Mommy.” Not whining or mumbling. Just stating precisely what she wanted in that moment. I knelt down to her and clarified, “You want a piece of Mommy?” She nodded. I’m not sure what compelled me, but I asked her, “What piece would you like?” Her reply? “The park Mommy.”
On the outside, I gave a big smile along with a bear hug, and told her “I love you SO much! Now, can you help me get lunch ready?”
She skipped along with me to the kitchen, but that moment of toddler-honesty lingered in my heart and mind all day…and still is!
I’ve realized over these past few days that my daughter sees me in different pieces all day. For an hour I am Park-Mommy who follows her around and plays alongside her. Then I am Listen-to-Mommy as we load the car and carry our belongings. This is followed by Cuddle-time-Mommy as we sing songs and go take a nap. Sometimes I’m Mean-Mommy (at least in a toddler’s eyes) saying no to TV. On top of that, she is now learning I’m also Baby-Sister’s-Mommy. As I comb over our days, together I begin to see how she has developed a sense that Mommy is in Pieces.
But you know what? I’ve become so used to being this way. And it is frustrating. I had no idea that my toddler picked up on how I was feeling.
I absolutely love our life and am beyond grateful that I can work from home while watching our daughters grow. I’ve come to learn that motherhood is all about being broken into pieces (literally and figuratively), but somehow we manage all the pieces beautifully. Other times, not so much. Overall, though, we do a pretty great job, Mamas!
However, I want to give you permission. Permission to be exhausted and frustrated over all the pieces you fit. In fact I challenge you to write down the Pieces you play. My list looks a bit like this:
- Chef-Mommy
- Clean-Up-Mommy
- Park-Mommy
- Errand-Mommy
- Money-Manage-Mommy
- Cuddle-Mommy
- Nurse-Mommy
- Singer-Mommy
- Playmate-Mommy
- Philosopher-Mommy (my new favorite)
- Work-From-Home-Mommy
- Mean-Mommy
- Compassionate-Mommy
This is before we add Wife Pieces, Friend Pieces or {oh yeah!!} Self Pieces, ya’ll!
The pieces that are put together to create the ever unique YOU-Mommy are noticed. They are noticed by our little ones who love us dearly and drive us crazy. They are noticed by our anxiety levels when we feel like life is spinning out of control. Mostly, they are noticed and not applauded.
So I’m here to applaud you, Mama.
Today you might be broken into twenty pieces to fit the day’s agenda. Know that I get how hard that is. Know that sometimes you’ll feel like that puzzle piece who is lost forever behind the couch. Know that you are a custom fit. And know that I’m here too…trying to piece together our day one fit at a time.
